Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Hardest Part

This title is fitting because right now there are a lot of hard parts in my life. I was originally thinking of one in particular but now find myself with quite a few.

The hardest part of watching Monkey grow up is knowing he's becoming more and more independent and determined to do everything himself. At 9 months he has quite the fire in him which I love to see but it makes it hard when he wants to open a closed door but he can't quite reach so he tries to do everything in his power to reach the doorknob. It's the stuff that gives any mom nightmares. "Hmmm I can almost reach the knob so let me put dad's shoes by the door and try to climb on those." Crash! I want to stand up without holding on so I'm going to do it even if I have to face plant many times. Of course with Monkey it took maybe 5 times and he became an expert. I kinda wish he had that same approach to things like listening to me read a book. He is so kind and loving though even as he slowly destroys the house.

The hardest part of having Monkey be sick is that he can't get out the words to explain what's going on with his body. Friday he had a high fever, Saturday runny nose and cough, Sunday ear infection, today hives from a reaction to the antibiotic. And the whole time he can't tell me anything except to cry and snuggle and pull his ear. Watching the hives appear was downright creepy and the poor guy wanted to be happy all day and play.

The hardest part of the end of the school year is saying good-bye to students. Luckily in a Montessori school, I still get to keep my amazing first and second graders! It's only the third graders I need to say good-bye to. The end of the school year is never ever easy for anyone though. I worry about some of my students for the summer and others I know will be fine. But I had an amazing group of third graders whom I will miss dearly this coming August. Our class went through a lot this year but they stayed together and stayed strong. They also stayed positive for a sweet classmate who is finally starting to get back into the swing of school (although I know it will never ever be the same for her) and welcome her with open arms each day. I have enjoyed seeing her face the last few days at school. Her smile lights up our classroom, and she isn't afraid to joke with the teachers. She has a very developed sense of humor for a second grader, and I quite enjoy our conversations as we have lessons together.

The hardest part of being pregnant while having a 9 month old who doesn't sleep is that I don't sleep. Still. I don't think I'll ever sleep. Ever. Another hard part is he wants to go, go, go while I want to sit and rest for a minute. I will say the running certainly helps me out with the energy.

And now what led to my post in the first place. The hardest part about getting pregnant right now is that I won't be running the half marathon in Disney in February for Sophie and Madigan. I feel so sad that I won't be there although I will certainly be there in spirit. I am trying to keep up with the running although some days I'm so nauseous I can barely move. When I feel good, I go run. It helps me feel like I'm still doing something for the girls. I would be there in an instant if I could. I know I'm needed here to be with my little ones but I will do something on that day for their memory. Even if I'm not up to running at that point, I will do something. I am blessed to know the Lillards. I am honored to help and do whatever I can for the memory of their girls. It is a joy to help!

So, there are lots of hard parts to life, but we will get through the storm and trials and tribulations and come out the other side. We certainly won't come out the same but isn't that the point? I was singing church hymns to Monkey last night (we make our way through the hymnbook in about a week) and I was singing "How Firm a Foundation." Two of the verses it me hard last night:
"When through the deep waters I call thee to go.
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee overflow.
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless.
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie.
My grace all sufficient shall  be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine."

It isn't easy and we all have different trials and sorrows at any given point in our lives, however, the Savior can help us through them.